TRUTH IN THE PUSH OF CHANGE
and the transition to Yin Earth Pig Year
This last month my friends and colleagues have heard me say on several occasions, “I feel like I’m being pushed through a sieve.” Pushed to the point of feeling undone, turned to pulp, all my juices come out and grit on the floor—all to align myself anew, I know.
I do get the upside to this, this refresh of my core person. And it’s so damn uncomfortable. And inconvenient—hard to be focused and productive when I feel like I’m being unraveled.
Feeling rebellious about it, this process of undoing, I don’t want to perform the socially appropriate “Cover-Up”, “I’m Okay” thing we all act out with one and other. I want the freedom to be honest (graceful in my honesty versus falling apart all over you in a public place—oy. And honest nonetheless).
Life feels tough right now.
I have too many big questions unanswered.
There is so much I want and need and I’m too often not trusting how it will come.
I feel vulnerable, raw, and unsure of how to be my full self in this world-at-large that I imagine wants to reject the heartfelt, intuitive, well-meaning me.
And what I sense I’ve come to this life for, my purpose, I’m not sure anyone really wants… Who wants permission to feel more?! Who wants this vulnerability of living from their heart—even if the rewards are so fantastic! Life so full and rich and graceful from this place—it’s so out on the ledge and we are so trained to hide and buck up and live from all this media-driven, put-on-persona pretense instead.
Yet, this is where 2019’s Yin Earth Pig is leading us:
Into the heart. Into sensuous, communal, joyful, gritty vulnerability. Honest and muddy. Turning muck and yuck into gold and pearls through the shared heart of it all. It is glorious—the gifts and rewards of collective alchemy through this feeling way. And it is uncomfortable, at times confusing, unsettling, needy even, with moments, hours, of deep frustration and anger for all the ways we come up against ourselves and each other as we work to make beauty and well-being out of a f***ing multi-generational, closed-up, ego-power, disconnected, lack-consciousness mess.
We need this change! I feel we do. We need to take better care of ourselves and each other, and our mother earth. We need more heart, more kindness, more honesty, more healing, more connectedness to accomplish this. And the more we resist, try to stay in the habitual comfort, the stuck ways, the more backlash we will experience from the dis-ease that has planted itself deep in the old, outdated of our society and ourselves.
Pushed Through A Sieve. Likely, I’m not the only one feeling this.
“What can I do?” my inner whine asks. “I want and need to do something!”
My intuition replies, “Practice Peace of I.” *
So I begin: May I soften, let go into the change that wants to become me. May I trust more, lean in more fully to the creative energy of love. May I get used to, even comfortable with this re-making I cannot seem to stop. May the Peace of I become me, and radiate from my heart out into the world.